People smell your presence long before you arrive in the room.
In recent research 400 kids were shown to have very similar instincts to dogs who bark when they pick up the presence of their owner long before the owner gets within earshot, eyesight or even scent. Those kids were asked to push a button when they felt their mum or dad was nearby… and, even when that distance was km, there were some kids who got it right, over and over and over.
People smell (intuit) your presence long before you arrive. So what are they picking up on? I’d like to propose that it’s your mood.
When I was a kid my step mom would go through bouts of alcoholic binge drinking poor thing. So, one day I’d come home from school as a happy little chappy, with my cricket bat and ball under my arm and be greeted with vegemite sandwiches on white bread for snack, the next day I’d come home to the same greeting except this was my dinner and my step mom was crazy violent, smashing my bat over my head. By the time I was 7 years old, I knew where she was at before I walked in the door. By the time I was 10 years old, I knew it sitting at school. By the time I was 12 I could feel it coming days before it happened. I guess, doing the work I do with people, heart reading, she was my guru, and a very good one at that.
My Dad was different. His mood never changed. I couldn’t tell whether he was dead or alive all day. He’d been in the war, he knew how to store up his emotions. He’d walk in the door with the same foot pressure every day. He’d close the car door with the same pressure every time. His mood felt constant all day, and any wonder. With his wife a complete fruit cake emotionally mood swinging individual, nature gave him the role as centre pole balance. I mean a pole dancer has to have a pole to swing on, my dad was it. But this is not to say that Dad was moodless. It’s saying his “presence” was constant. And it’s not saying he was emotionless … it’s saying his “emotions” were so buried under his stable presence that they only surfaced when they reached nuclear reactor atomic bomb level of intensity. And they were hard to predict although I also got pretty good at that by the age of 14.
We smell people’s presence. Not with our nose. With our beacon. Our radar is always open. Sometimes when I work with people who’ve been cheated on in relationships they cry “I new she wasn’t being honest with me.” And yet, they are also saying that someone cheated on them. Who was cheating on whom? Did the person who “knew it but denied it” expect their partner to be more honest with them than they were to themselves?” That’s not going to work is it?
So if we all have a radar, and we all transmit moods through the ether, why the heck are we all so obsessed with words. I mean words often camouflage the ether. The transmission is interrupted by words. Why words? Well, words fill the space that is created when noise blocks reception.
Noise blocks reception. The more stress we have, the more worry, anxiety, emotion, ambition, depression, frustration, anger, fear, hate, guilt … we have, the more noise we have and therefore the less our radar can pick up. Hence, when a man and woman part after 10 years together in which business or personal stress has filled the space with noise, they eventually look back and wonder what went wrong. In their case, noise filled the space where love needed to flow.
Knowing how to shut down noise is important on a gross level (lets call this year to year patterns) and on a daily level, lets call this, life. But it’s also important to shut down noise in between meetings, in between meals, in between a tiff and a kiss. Shutting down the noise opens you back up to your radar, gets your juices flowing and transmits good vibes before people even meet you.
The slowest group to catch on to the “noise reduction” potentiality are not mums and dads, although they’re pretty far back in the field, it’s social media pundits. I get 300 spam a day. 90% of it gets filtered because it’s asking for money to get out of jail in Africa or something conspicuous so my spam assassin deletes it. But 20 spam a day get through offering everything from Russian Brides to Apple computers at half price. Some of this spam I read not because I’m keen or want a Russian bride (or maybe), but because of the energy of the author. All the trash is pre filtered so the “send money now” are all gone but some of the remaining communication is absolutely astounding and inspired.
Inspired communication means “no noise.” Heart to heart communication means there’s a message, it’s clear, there’s no hype or lies and the sender is not desperate. Noise reveals itself in desperation. A sense of panic or urgency that I don’t have but the sender does. I can smell that, not with my nose but with my radar. (or gaydar) as my gay friend calls it.
Noise is disrespectful. You sit in someone’s space with mind noise clattering away that you think, like my dad, nobody can hear, but you’re not there. Not present.
I went on a date with a lady recently, a blind date, and the noise in her being was so loud I needed to wear earplugs. It was like a 767 starting to take off. I really understood why they call them blind dates because to go any further with that arrangement my radar would need to be shot down with lust. (another sort of noise) …
If we go to a meeting and we’re not present, everyone in the room knows it. I had a client last year who was renovating his house. That process went on for months. In that whole time he couldn’t focus on anything for more than a few minutes before a call would come to determine the colour of the drive way or something. That noise, echo’d into his work, his friendships, and his health.
The secret to noise cancellation is completion. Some people use focus. They compartmentalise a meeting or topic and focus and that’s great but in 2016, digital interventions in that sort of pattern render it clumsy. Multi tasking was another way of dealing with noise, to juggle five or ten things at once. But time is evolving, you’re plugged in all the time, Switching off is good but clumsy. Completion has always been and always will be the ultimate resolution to noise.
Lets say you are on a farm and you go out to check the sheep. You would not do it in bare feet, would you? You’d wear poo proof boots. And when you got back to the homestead, you’d certainty take them off in the dog proof, snake proof area just inside the back door. That’s called completion. You do, you complete and you don’t carry worry, thoughts, unfinished business, anxiety, stress, or anger into the next thing you are doing because you know it will contaminate it.
One guy I know was so angry with a client that he bought it home and cooked with it and slept with it and suddenly his daughter started to get angry. And he got an injury and he started to slow down at work because he was weighed down and people felt it.
Completion is the answer… have your event, get angry if it happens, process it and then get to the next thing. Its not compartmentalised, which means bottled up for later, it’s processed. Here’s how…